he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Randomize
