Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
