there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
