saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize