I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
