well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
