Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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