so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
