My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
