But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
