i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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