Porn is love you can see.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
