RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
