It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
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