I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
