is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
