It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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