i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
