How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It's never too late to be topless.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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