I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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