Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
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