I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
