Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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