There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she looked like the before picture.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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