My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
