New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
