he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
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