Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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