We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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