U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
