its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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