i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
