That's when you crack a 10am beer
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
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