So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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