im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
