Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
