my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
