do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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