You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
