Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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