Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
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Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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