dude i'm inner monologue high
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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