Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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