a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
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We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
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Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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