I think I can smell my own vagina right now
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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