you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
