he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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