ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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