you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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