I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
