that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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