He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
