I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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