Come see our sink grown plant.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
