i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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