well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
