update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
