i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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