FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
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Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
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And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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