tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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