i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The adults are the big ones right?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
