I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
