Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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