Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
