dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
