So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
