I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
